20- The Growing Year

20
I'm not going to lie. My 20th time around the sun was hard for me.
But those years of growth can sometimes be the most meaningful
And even though it wasn't perfect, as in most years, it was still a needed year.
Growing up is necessary and it is a part of life. Its natural and often scary.
But here we go, my 4th annual list of what I learned this year.

Food literature is not as fluffy as it seems. And Food lit in general was the best class ever.

Another New Years spent with a significant other is nice to have. Its nice to feel wanted and like you are somebody to someone.

College Spanish is a whole new ball game but I'm enjoying the challenge.

Even though I didn't get to do CMEA in high school, I finally got to do it in college and it was lovely.

Do not procrastinate projects. Ever. I'm still trying to learn that but its getting better.

I learned that life is extremely precious. And Bri was a wonderful friend but I never in a million years would have thought that she would pass away so soon. I guess no one really thinks that will happen. But I just assumed that Bri would go on her own terms. I still miss her and still some days its hard to believe she is actually gone. She was so fiery, bright and kind.
But out of this came something good. I met Annamarie and we are great together as roommates. We just have a very similar sense of humor and support each other when we need it.And were the weirdest possible pair of roommates you could ever find.

I learned that its hard to fully erase someone out of your life. I can never erase Grant or Bri. Grant will always be the first guy I ever loved. And Bri was a great friend of mine even though I didnt know her for all that long she meant something to me. All those pictures and memories cannot be erased but I can move past them. Its been 5 months since we broke up and 6 since Bri passed away.

I learned that I have very high standards. And that can make dating challenging when I'm not willing to relax a little bit on what I expect. But this is college so I need to relax a bit.

I learned I cannot get any measurable amount of work done if I'm not wearing a bra.  How sad is that?

I learned that Panera is actually pretty fun because my coworkers are hilarious. I mean really, we juggle avocados in our free time.

I learned that Appaloosa Trading Company is where amazing people congregate to work. And even though most of us have quit, I still love all of you dearly. Kes, Eli, Sara, Adam, Tamara, Crystal and Annamarie. Love you all.

I learned to hold my head high and stand up for myself.

I learned journalism is my calling. I love it.

I learned that meaningful relationships are hard to come by. I am not one of those girls who will ever have a one night stand. I just get too attached to people I like and fall too hard.

I learned that heartbreaks may seem like the entire world is coming down, but if you wait it out and find yourself again, its a lot better.

I learned you can rekindle relationships. Hallie and I were a bit rocky when the summer started but this semester we've found our friendship again and I'm so glad that we have.

I learned that Utah is a gorgeous place. Zion and Arches in particular if you ever have a chance, GO!

The word  "nice" or generic words that have no real deeper meaning are terrible. Please if you have to describe someone, use something other than nice. Here's an example-gregarious! Anything but nice!

I learned its better to be alone instead of lowering your standards. This doesnt not make me stuck up. This shows that I respect myself enough to have standards for someone who enters my life and I expect them to have the same for me. Its also better to be alone instead of being in a relationship that isnt going anywhere.

I have found and embraced that  I am an old soul. I like to knit and I'm very careful about how people perceive me. I need to relax a bit on the latter but I know that its OK to have an old soul.

I found that wanderlust is wonderful. And I want to live in Germany or go back and visit sometime soon. France not so much but Germany in a freaking heartbeat.

I found loving yourself is a lot harder than I ever thought possible. Its getting better but there's still days where I'm the hardest person on myself. I really need to learn to love every bit of me.

Any time with your best friend eating ice cream can fix just about anything, Thank you Nick for starting the healing process with that pint of icecream that I mostly ate.....

I've learned to love my curves. Somehow I was blessed with a small waist and I think beautiful curves. I will eat what I please and be healthy, but I will never starve myself to make myself look a certain way. Food is the answer!

I love being an editor for the Indy. Having my name and picture in a publication is so satisfying and I cannot wait for what we will accomplish in the next years!

Its also better to have a few good friends at your side than a horde of fair weather friends. Or if you just have a roommate that is up for random adventures, that's always good too.

I have found I am a feminist. No i do not burn my bras, because A- I love my bras. B- I wouldn't get any work done without them. C- They are pretty damn expensive! I just believe in equality and I think its shameful that our country hasn't figured out how to pay men and women the same for the same work.

I learned that I am 70 inches tall and I should strut every inch of what I have.

Make lots of friends in your hard classes. That way you can all help each other and make amazing projects. I don't know what I would have done without Allie, Lainey and Louis in my media production class.

MRIs are scary things but they answer scary questions about heart conditions. My MRI in August came back clear so were all good guys!

Toad in a hole is the best breakfast EVER.... thank you Sean.

I learned that if you slowly ease back into the dating pool its a lot better. Sure I wanted to dive right in but I felt guilty if I went too fast. Sure its good to experiment but know where your heart is and he meant something to me, so I couldn't just get back out there. I took my time and I think 2015 will be the  year when I begin again.

Which leads me to the song Begin Again by Taylor Swift. It is pretty much the only song I've listened to every day for the past few months. Actually Taylor Swift in general is just a bad ass and I wish I could be her for a day.

Liam Payne is gorgeous and Remi has me hooked now on One direction, Crap.

I learned that I am stronger today than I was yesterday,

That I should not doubt my capabilities.

That every scar, every freckle and every curve of mine is beautiful.

I know that 2014 was a hard year for me but i can just feel that 2015 is a good year.

I refuse to let anyone get in my way and i know that next year will be better.

So goodbye 20, hello 21